How to Slide
on Soap

TITLE: How to slide on Soap
AUTHOR: Sue Griffiths
EMAIL: Stardoor@Hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Humor, Drama
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:The Group find themselves in a world govern by television!
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Here!
DISCLAIMER: No, the characters aren't mine. I have never owned Sliders in any way shape or form and am certainly not likely to in the future! This piece of fiction was written strictly for fun and no profit was made from it. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

There was nothing harder on a person's rear end like the feeling of cold, frozen earth. Quinn Mallory wondered whether he'd be able to sit down in a week's time without dire pain. From how he was feeling at that moment, he doubted it.Moments later, Wade appeared through the tunnel, closely followed by Rembrant and Professor Arturo.Unfortunately for Rembrant, he happened to be in Arturo's way and wound up understanding how a crash mat felt. "Well, that was rather a change. Usually it's the other way around." Arturo got to his feet, dusting himself off. Rembrant groaned and sat up.
"Damn, I feel like a pancake." He said."So, where are we?" Wade mused, looking around. "It looks fairly normal." Said Rembrant, "then again, that's usually the first sign of trouble." "Tell me about it." Quinn said.
He looked at the timer. "Well, we've got several hours here, if that's any help."
We may as well take a look around." Arturo said. It would be better than standing around in the cold catching one's death."
"Look at all the TV screens..." Wade said."It's like these people are addicted to television.
This street looks like something out of a daytime soap opera."
"And it's just so organised. No trash, no cars parked out of line..." Rembrant continued. From behind them, there was a disturbance. They hadn't noticed the people behind them until an argument had broken out.Two men and two women, all dressed smartly with perfectly styled hair were engaged in a heated dispute involving insinuations about affairs, devious behaviour and mistrust.
"Definitely like a soap opera." Quinn said.
"Let's disappear before we get dragged into it." Wade suggested."There's a shop over there. Maybe we can hide out until they disappear."
"Sounds good to me." Rembrant said. They crossed the street to the square fronted building with a large display area filled with televisions of all varieties and stepped inside. Inside they were presented with a TV addict's dream.Televisions, satellite systems, audio systems for televisions, remote controls, video players and more, as well as a huge selection of television guides and magazines about soap operas."I think Miss Wells' theory about the nature of this world has been proved." Arturo said.
"It's strange - some of these TV remotes look so much like the timer." Quinn Mallory said. He checked in his pocket to test his theory. "Er... where is the timer?" The Sliders looked at each other.
"What do you mean - Where is the timer?"
"It was in my pocket. I definitely had it outside."ade dashed off to check, and returned moments later.
"Well, its definitely not there."
"It must be in here." Quinn said, looking around. "But there's just one hitch... it looks so much like these remote controls, there's no telling which one it is."
Remote controls were scattered all over the place. They were everywhere one looked, on display stands, in bargain bins, everywhere.
"We'll just have to start checking them one by one."
"How long do we have exactly?"
"Four hours and fifteen minutes, or thereabouts." Quinn replied, picking up a likely looking remote control.
He pressed a button and something happened. One of the televisions came to life, showing a pretty dire soap opera. "Q-Ball, turn that crap off!" Rembrant said, looking at it in horror.Quinn was still staring at the television in shock, so Rembrant took the matter into his own hands, snatching the control and silencing the TV.
"Is there any way to switch these televisions off?"
"There doesn't appear to be a power button on a single one of them, and the wiring goes straight into the wall."
Arturo observed. "Oh, well. A few moments of hell is a small price to pay." Quinn said, picking up another remote control. He pressed a button and was presented with another crap soap opera.
"Guys... we may have a problem." Said Wade.
"According to this TV guide, they have hundreds of channels, all transmitting soap operas."
"Oh no. We just slid into hell." Said Rembrant. "We may end up in the local psychiatric institution before we track down that timer. Next time, Q-Ball, I'm taking charge of it." Quinn muttered something rude under his breath and picked up another remote control. It was definitely not the timer. There was a large sofa in the shop, probably for the purpose of potential buyers test driving the televisions. The Sliders sat down, each grabbed a remote control and set to work eliminating possible suspects. Two hours later, tempers were fraying and the tension was showing. "Damn these soap operas!They are just getting worse and worse!" "Calm yourself, Mr Mallory!" Arturo said, throwing aside another remote control and trying the next.
"But... I can't stand this puerile trash any longer! I swear it's driving me insane! I can't take any more! I'm going to throw that telly out of the window!!" Quinn was ranting and raving as he got to his feet and approached the television, a look of sheer evil on his face.
"Mr Mallory - calm yourself at once! We've been in worse situations!"
"No we haven't! We've faced death, we've come close to being eaten by dinosaurs, we've been imprisoned - but nothing - and I mean NOTHING can compare to this torture!"
"Might I remind you that the quicker we find the timer, the quicker we can get out of here!" Arturo said, getting up and grabbing Quinn by the shoulders.
"Now, we have a job to do and if we are not successful, we'll be spending our lives as extras in a daytime soap!" Rembrant and Wade let out loud screams.
Quinn fixed Arturo with a look of horror. "Let's get back to it. We haven't a moment to lose!!" Quinn grabbed the next remote control with shaking hands and pressed a button. Another soap opera. Sod it.
He threw the device over his shoulder and onto the ever growing pile behind the sofa.
He picked up another and pressed a button. Yet another soap opera. Sod it. Over his shoulder went the remote control, joining the rest on the pile. He tried another and another...The situation was beginning to look hopeless. Wade was feeling depressed. These soap operas were horrible.The storylines stank and the actors had no idea of how to portray any kind of emotion. They may as well have cast wooden figures for each role - wooden figures would have probably been a much better idea. She threw the latest in a long line of TV remotes over her shoulder, then a thought occurred to her. She felt down the back of the sofa, and felt something. She pulled it out.It was a TV remote, and she was sure there was another there.
Hope renewed, she tried them.The same crappy soap operas greeted her.
"Damn." she said, then had a look under the sofa itself. Meanwhile, Quinn felt like he was losing his mind.
He was watching a trashy American soap opera and enjoying it. He felt shame and distaste, as well as disgust at the depths to which he had sunk. He looked over to Arturo and Rembrant, who both had their eyes on the soap operas. Quinn tried not to watch, but the power of the soap opera forced him to. It was getting harder and harder to change channels.He forced himself to reach for another remote control and quickly pressed a button. The screen flickered for a moment, but the same channel returned. That was good... he wanted to know whether the abduction of one of the characters had been found out yet.
"Wade, what are you doing?" Quinn asked, not taking his eyes off the TV. "Just a minute. Got it..." she replied.
"How long have we got until we slide?"
"I have no idea..." Quinn said, his mind almost totally taken over by the evil power of the soap. Wade grabbed the remote, checked it over and tried it. It was the timer. "We've got thirty seconds until we slide!!" she exclaimed.
"Big deal." Said Rembrant.
"I want to know whether Mrs Potkins gets her cat out of the tree."
"And I want to know whether Anson makes it to the church on time."

Wade activated the device, displacing the air and causing a minor hurricane.
"Hey, I was watching that - I can't see because that tunnel's in the way!" Quinn complained.
Wade grabbed him and hauled him off the sofa. She attempted to drag Arturo next, who protested but ended up going trough the tunnel anyway.
"I'm not going!" said Rembrant.
"Yes you are!" Wade replied, grabbing the remote control from his hand and throwing it on the pile behind the sofa.Rembrant complained bitterly and jumped through the tunnel.Wade took a last look around the place and muttered "good riddance," under her breath. The Sliders exited the tunnel in a cold, wet world complete with thunderstorm. Quinn landed in a puddle, Rembrant made sure he was out of Arturo's way this time but found himself directly in front of Wade when she made her exit. The tunnel closed and it was like nothing had ever been there. "I can't believe I was so drawn into those soap operas."
"It's a chilling statement as to the power of television." Arturo said.
"Tell me about it. I feel like someone fried my brain." Rembrant replied.
"So, I guess none of you want to look at this soap opera magazine I still have with me?" Wade said.
They looked at her and groaned. "I'll take that as a no, then, shall I?"
The End

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