It had all started so quietly and innocently. Daniel had just been walking through town, in the vain hope of finding a bookshop that sold Egyptology books he didn’t yet have, when he heard sounds of screaming. He had turned a corner and chanced upon an amazing sight. Admittedly if he hadn’t been witness to some strange things on his trips through the Stargate, he was sure he would have joined the screaming masses. As it was, he just stood and stared, fascinated as this strange sight had not even required him to step foot in Cheyenne Mountain.

Hmmm…. he watched the sight and smiled with amusement as four figures laid waste to some kind of warriors or another who shattered easily on impact as the largest of the four in front of him shattered his foe with a large golden arm. By his side was a slight figure cracking a whip, while another one had a sword and the fourth had…

Daniel took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

Nah.

He put his glasses back on and peered forwards. Yes, they were.

Wings.

Wings?!

Daniel shook his head and resolved to get a decent night’s sleep, cut down on coffee and get psychatric help. As he looked closer he could see something else far more worrying.

They were wrapped in bandages.

"Mummies?!" Daniel breathed under his breath. "It can’t be…"

Grey skin, bandages, colourful armour and that individual with wings…? These were the strangest mummies he had clapped eyes on. Daniel went to run but found himself rooted to the spot. He watched, speechless, as they destroyed their foes then made a move in his general direction.

"It can’t be –" said the tall and slender member of their group.

"Can’t be who, Rath?" the slight female asked. "Memory giving you trouble again?"

She gave him a cheeky grin, to which he responded with a disdainful glare, and then shook it off to walk towards Daniel with an excited expression on his grey face. "Dr Daniel Jackson! An Egyptologist with an open mind at long last! It is so rare to find one of those!!"

He seemed positively delighted.

Oh my god they know me! Daniel thought, seeing his life flash past his eyes in an instant and, in reflection, realising that he should have ventured off base more.

"He looks scared to death!" the large one said. "Do you suppose it’s something you said?"

"Me?!" Rath looked indignant.

"Hey, we’re not going to hurt you." The large mummy continued. "It’s just good to meet someone who might just take us seriously and help us to –"

"Take you seriously my ass!" Daniel squeaked.

"Mind your language!" the large mummy retorted.

"Dr Daniel Jackson, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ja-kal and I am -" the Ja-Kal character seemed quite level headed and responsible, but those attributes did not lessen the strangeness of the situation.

Daniel stared at the talking mummy in complete shock.

This was the one with wings, who seemed to be decked out in some kind of representation of the falcon headed god, Horus – except this was no version of Horus he had ever seen before.

The talking in itself had been bad enough – but together with those wings...

That did it.

Daniel’s eyes glazed over and he screamed, long and loud, at the top of his voice, only stopping when he ran out of breath. The four mummies just stared at him in amusement. When Daniel stood trying to get his breath back, the slight female stepped forward and tried to look friendly. However, the cat style armour she was clad in detracted from the overall intention.

"Hello, Dr Jackson - I’m Nefer-Tina…" she began. "We’re really not going to hurt you – it’s just that –"

Daniel yelled again, but this time did not stop until he had passed out.

When he next awoke, he was aware of a small, cold hand stroking his forehead and checking his pulse. He was sure he wasn’t in the infirmary – it looked more like an Egyptian tomb. That was strange as he last remembered seeing mummies with wings and whips and swords… But no – maybe that was because he had been watching "the Mummy" late at night again. He always had strange dreams when he fell asleep halfway through that movie, usually incorporating the Book of the Dead, strange rituals and supernatural goings on. It often made him think of being in a tomb like room, with a mummy close by him paying him more attention than he cared to think about.

Not that he was ever likely to experience such things.

He wondered what Dr Frasier had been doing to have such cold hands, and the infirmary seemed to have been decorated in the very recent past. He had only been in there that morning, arranging a trip out with Dr Frasier, and was sure the walls were lighter than the ones he was currently staring at in bemusement. If this wasn’t the infirmary, then where the hell - ?

"Oh no." Daniel groaned. "Please, NO… say it isn’t so."

He slowly looked up at the figure tending to him and froze with shock. No wonder he’d been thinking he was having a strange dream about mummies – he was looking at one. Grey skin, silver hair, great figure… and such a cute smile. He could hardly see the effects of the ancient Egyptian mummification process on her flesh, which was no bad thing, he supposed. In fact, she really was quite pleasant to look at…

No! This is a mummy I’m looking at!! Daniel reminded himself. And this shouldn’t be happening! It’s like some B-Movie with me as the leading victim!

"Get the hell off me!!" he screamed in shock, swatting away her hand.

"Calm down – there’s nothing to worry about." She said, taking a step back and folding her arms.

"Why did you take me – here, wherever here is?!"

"We just wanted to talk to you. We were curious about what happened to Egypt after our demise, and Rath is most intrigued by your theories about the pyramids and UFOs."

"Well, I don’t want to talk to you – I want to leave – damn fast!" Daniel gasped, trying to wriggle out from under the bedcovers.

"Daniel?" Nefer-Tina looked at him with concern. He looked her up and down, taking in her trim figure, amused little smile and sparkling eyes. It was like she had stepped out of ancient Egypt yesterday, due to the smashing little Egyptian kilt she was wearing, which made her bandages almost unnoticeable…

Bandages.

That did it.

Daniel passed out and fell out of bed.

"You should learn to relax more." Nefer-Tina said, as she went to pick him up.

Daniel woke up later that day, and found another of the mummies looking at him. It was the one who had wings and now looked like a normal mummy… with the exception that he was leaning over him and asking whether he was OK. Regardless of which planet Daniel had encountered, or which races, or which archaeological digs he had been on, there was no getting around the fact that normal mummies simply didn’t do that. Normal mummies didn’t do anything much, apart from lie in an inert state waiting to be uncovered by some nosy archaeological type like Daniel himself.

"Oh shit." Daniel sighed, resigning himself to the fate that he was going to have to talk to this one – maybe even hold a conversation - whilst fully aware that the whole situation was just getting to the point of ridiculousness. He figured that this one must be some kind of leader. He had the serious demeanour as well as the look of someone who was not going to leave well enough alone. "OK, what the hell do you want?"

"I am Ja-Kal," the tall mummy said. "I was wondering…"

"What a stupid name." Daniel said, turning over in bed and away from this Ja-Kal character, well aware that he was being rude as hell – not that he really gave a damn there and then. Daniel was startled to find himself face to face with a young boy of about twelve, who smiled at him politely and then looked up at Ja-Kal.

"Is this the famous Dr Jackson?" he asked the mummy.

"It is, my Prince." Ja-Kal replied.

"Please… tell me what’s going on here!" Daniel pleaded. At least this kid looked relatively normal!

"Sure. This is Ja-Kal, he’s the leader of my four guardians…" the kid began.

The leader. I guessed right. It’s a shame this isn’t a quiz show. Daniel mused.

"The others are Armon, Nefer-Tina and Rath." The kid said, "and I’m Presley Carnarvon."

"Great. Just… great." Daniel whimpered. "At least I know the names of who abducted me."

"We didn’t abduct you. You passed out…" Ja-Kal said from behind him.

"You could have at least dumped me off at a hospital."

"The last time the mummies tried that, the doctors wanted to cart them off to some ward or another – they said something about changing their dressings…" the kid said. "I can never take them anywhere."

"Oh. I wonder why." Daniel said lightly, feeling like he was on the verge of going completely insane.

"Never mind that. Rath has so many questions he’d like to ask you."

"I still don’t get why you want to ask me all the questions!" suddenly the ridiculousness of the situation crossed his mind. "If this Rath or whatever he’s called is a mummy, surely he could tell me a few things about ancient Egypt!" Daniel turned over in bed and fixed Ja-kal with a stare. "And so could you!!"

Ja-kal looked at the wide-eyed linguist with surprise.

"And so could… Nefer… Nefer… what was her name? Cute, long white hair, smile to die for, bandages…"

"Nefer-Tina." Ja-Kal replied.

"Of course. Nefer-Tina. What else would it be?" Daniel said sarcastically. "And let’s not forget … Armon… now, shall we?"

"Yes… we could have an exchange of information. You could also tell us about how the gate is perceived by those outsiders who can see it."

Daniel froze.

"The… Gate?"

"Yes… the Gate." Ja-Kal said matter of factly.

"What do you know about the Gate?!"

"It is a source of great power." Ja-kal said in a manner that implied that everyone knew about the gate. "It is a passageway out of this dimension."

"You could put it that way…"

Ja-Kal regarded the young archaeologist in a sceptical manner. It was very unusual for humans to be able to see the Western gate, but given his background anything was possible. However, Ja-Kal wanted to know how much more knowledge Daniel had tucked away.

Daniel looked at Ja-Kal nervously. This guy – mummy – knew about the Stargate? A passageway to other worlds, he had put it, which just about summed it up. The question was, how much did he know?

Daniel resigned himself to a fate worse than death. He was going to have to talk – actually hold a conversation with – Rath and Ja-Kal. He sighed and looked over to the big guy, Armon, who was heading for what looked curiously like a kitchen. He heard a fridge open and a contented sigh.

I’d give anything to be him right now, Daniel thought as he steeled himself for the inevitable.

---

Daniel lasted about five minutes. Maybe it was the somberness of Ja-Kal, or the sheer haughtiness of Rath, but Daniel knew he had to get out of there and went to join Armon in the kitchen. His eyes widened when he saw Armon’s version of a light snack. It was more than Daniel would eat in a day.

Armon turned when he heard Daniel come into the kitchen.

"Hey, Danny… have those two bored you rigid already?"

"Yeah… they…" Daniel peered closer to the mountain of food.

"Now this…" Armon said, stacking heavens knew what onto a slice of bread "is how you make a sandwich!"

Daniel looked at the sheer amount of food and smiled weakly. "It’s… varied."

"You’ll never be a warrior if you don’t get enough sustenance!" Armon seemed very impressed with his culinary creation and set about adding some salt and pepper.

Daniel shrugged. "Maybe I’m more of a scientist than a warrior." Daniel said.

"You sound just like Rath when he gets going." Armon headed for the living room to watch some TV, while Daniel stared at him in amazement. "And what’s wrong with being a warrior?"

"Nothing at all, as quite a few people I know could tell you."

"Have you seen many battles?"

"Uh… yeah… you could say that." Daniel said with a weak smile.

"Have you defeated many foes?"

"Uh… one way or another…" Daniel shrugged.

"Well, I still think you should eat some more – that way your enemies won’t stand a chance. Help yourself to anything from the white stone sarcophagus." Armon said, as he went into the lounge to watch the so called "magic box" – or television as it was otherwise known.

"White stone sarcophagus…" Daniel mused under his breath. "Of course, he means the fridge."

And what a fridge it was too – it was larger than anything Daniel had laid eyes upon and he supposed it was the general size of a sarcophagus. Shrugging, he opened it and took a look inside. It was stuffed with food. Great food. Healthy food, in some respects – a great departure from the kind of food Daniel tended to live on at the base. Chocolate, followed by some coffee, more chocolate, junk food galore…

"Mmmm…" Daniel smiled. "Armon could have a point."

Daniel grabbed a selection of food, shoved it on a plate and went to join Armon. Given the amount of work the archaeologist had to do at the base on a day to day basis, he found the opportunity to sit down and chill out very refreshing.

---

That evening, the gang sat down to some dinner. Rath cornered Daniel and engaged him in deep and somewhat meaningless conversation. The guy just did not seem to take a hint. He was rambling on about spells and their uses and about something called the Hot-Ra, the name of which made Daniel think of hair styling equipment. Then it was on to alchemy. That, at least, Daniel could relate to. As Rath rambled, Daniel did not realise how much wine he was drinking. It was great stuff. Armon was getting though his fair share too. Then again, given the size of the guy, and his strength, there was no doubt he could handle it. Daniel himself wasn’t doing too badly, either. He downed another glass, unsure of how many he had had and resumed his argument with Rath about aliens and the construction of the pyramids.

"I tell you there is no such thing as aliens!" Rath snapped.

"I tell you there is!" Daniel snapped back, ready to grab one of Rath’s bandages and gag him with it.

"You are quite mistaken. After all, I am actually from ancient Egypt!" Rath said indignantly and stuck his nose in the air.

Daniel dearly wanted to tip the rest of his wine all over the mummy, meaning he would have to give his bandages a damn good wash. He refrained as the wine was great stuff.

Nefer-Tina, sweet, gorgeous, attractive little Nefer-Tina, noted Daniel’s distress and poured him another glass. She smiled at him and then turned back to the conversation she had been having with the boy, Presley.

"Rath, don’t be a moron and please don’t be as stupid as you look. I have solid evidence confirming the influence of alien technologies and their role in ancient Egypt, as well as other planets. The evidence is there if you look, and given your field of expertise you must be bozo of the month if it never even occurred to you." Daniel said in a bored tone of voice. He drank some more wine and was sure he saw the room spin with the speed and grace of the inner ring of the Stargate.

"I have never been so insulted!!" Rath was in full indignant mode now. "You dare to call into question my intelligence?!"

Daniel looked him up and down, then replied, "yes," with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why the hell not?"

"How dare you! I am off to repair the Hot-Ra… if it wasn’t for Nefer-Tina’s reckless driving it wouldn’t be necessary!" Rath got up and stormed out of the room.

Nefer-Tina shrugged, looking like she had heard that line time and time again.

"Oh thank goodness, I thought he’d never leave!!" Daniel said, louder than he had intended. Four pairs of eyes fixed themselves upon him. He looked around and smiled nervously.

"A man after my own heart – at last!" Nefer-Tina grinned. "Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind Rath… in small doses, but he kind of drives me nuts."

"You sound like someone I know." Daniel said.

"Really? What is he? A famous charioteer? A great warrior?" Nefer-Tina asked excitedly.

"Yes… he’s a great warrior, I guess. His name’s Jack – and he’ll be wondering where I am, so I had better get back to my… er…" Daniel’s voice trailed off. "I’d just better get back."

Daniel went to rise but found the room spinning around him – and not just like a Stargate dialling sequence this time. It was more like being stuck in the middle of a whirlpool… He lost control of his legs and went crashing to the floor, then was aware of a surge of nausea, making what followed sadly inevitable.

Nefer-Tina looked away as the eminent archaeologist threw up on the carpet.

"I just had that shampooed!" Ja-Kal exclaimed.

"What a waste of good food!" Armon added.

"Armon!!" the other three chorused, while Daniel lay on the floor and groaned.

"We can’t just leave him on the floor." Said Ja-Kal after a few minutes of Daniel lying down and groaning had passed. "We should at least tend to his health… he is our guest and…"

"Say no more. Get a mop and bucket – I’ll deal with our lightweight."

"As we are undead, we always have an unfair advantage when it comes to alcohol."

Nefer-Tina helped Daniel off the floor and into a bed that happened to be lying around waiting to be used. Never mind that the mummies all slept in sarcophaguses, much like the system lords, but for some reason, they happened to have a bed. Nefer-Tina was pulling the covers up to Daniel’s chin, when he reached out and caught hold of her small wrist. It was a gentle but firm grip and made her look at him questioningly.

"Yes? Is there something you want?" Her eyes were wide and curious.

"Yes…" Daniel opened his eyes slowly and looked at her. "I want you."

"Me?" Nefer-Tina asked. "Sure I’ll sit with you..."

"No… I didn’t mean it like that… I want you…"

If she had been able to blush, Nefer-Tina would have had crimson cheeks by that point. However as it was, she was deeply flattered, sorely tempted and found this strange young man very attractive… It wasn’t often she found herself in such situations… and to be honest, Ja-Kal was not entirely correct in his statement about the consumption of wine not affecting mummies. When they had consumed several bottles of it during the course of the evening, as Nefer-Tina had, it could colour one’s judgement no end. As a result, Nefer-Tina found herself easily persuaded by the handsome young man in the bed.

"Well… I suppose one night away from the sarcophagus won’t hurt…" Nefer-Tina answered with a smile. She made her way around the other side of the bed and slipped in between the sheets to lie next to Daniel, enjoying the feel of crisp bedclothes over her shoulders. Daniel reached over and stroked her long white hair, making Nefer-Tina giggle shyly. It was a long time since anyone had done that, probably due to the fact that she had spent several years of her life in Egypt disguised as a man so she could drive chariots, as she so loved. Daniel shifted over to her and slipped his arm around her shoulders, drew her close and kissed her on the lips.

Nefer-Tina found herself enjoying the experience a great deal, and as a result, she kissed him back, and before they knew it, they were engaged in the kind of activities that would raise the rating of this fan fic to an 18 if described. Daniel knew the reality of the situation but, due to the sheer amount of alcohol he had imbibed, was no longer coherent enough to care. This was the perfect end to a challenging evening and he thanked his lucky stars that that idiot, Rath, was locked away in his sarcophagus and out of the way.

---

Daniel supposed he must have been very drunk the night before, as his head was pounding when he woke up. He opened his eyes and realised he was still neither at home or on the base. He was also not alone in the bed.

Oh no… what did I do? Daniel wondered. He was not known for being able to hold his drink and guessed he could have been up to anything. He could have danced naked around the Stargate, wearing Sam’s knickers on his head and he would still have no memory of it. He winced at the thought and hoped that was not the case – Sam would cheerfully kill him for going anywhere near her underwear. He knew the big question had to be answered. Who was he lying in bed with?

Then sick realisation hit him.

He’d fancied Janet Frasier for a while, and one of his last memories had been of going to the base to do something important… after that it was all a bit of a blur. But if he had to be in bed with anyone, Janet would do nicely. The only thing was that her hand, which was draped over his shoulder, was so very cold.

And, on inspection, grey.

Oh no - I didn’t…Last time I checked, Dr Frasier had healthy coloured skin and…

He cautiously opened his eyes, looked at the sleeping figure next to him and nearly threw up. It wasn’t that he had anything against Nefer-Tina, but there was the fact that she was a mummy whose last experience of having a pulse was well over 3,000 years ago… For some mad reason, she looked quite lovely, lying there with her eyes closed and her hair all over the place. Her slight build was appealing in a cute way, as were her facial features but it was hard to get past the fact that she had that dreadful pale skin. Given the circumstances, he knew she could have looked a lot worse and was, frankly, glad she didn’t.

She turned over in her sleep and settled next to Daniel, snuggling up and resting her head on his shoulder with a sigh and a little smile on her face. Daniel tried to deny that she looked like the cutest thing he had seen in a while, but had to admit that when she sighed it made his heart flutter. He knew it shouldn’t… particularly as he was meant to be meeting Janet Frasier for dinner that week, and they were meant to be more than just work colleagues… But here he was, snuggled up next to Nefer-Tina – a 3,500 year old mummy with lovely hair, an ecstatic smile on her face and such a cold small body it made Daniel shiver.

And speaking of being cold, it kind of reminded him of the mummies he had examined on various archaeological digs… usually in the case of mummies, they were not intact. Memories of mummification rites, the processes involved in the removal of organs and treatment of the person to be mummified came flooding back to Daniel. The liver, lungs, intestines and stomach were removed through a slit in the side while the body underwent a particular kind of treatment… Maybe it was a good thing she was covered in bandages…

I feel sick just thinking about it, Daniel thought.

Much as he tried to keep his resolve, it was near impossible. The horrendous hangover he had really didn’t help matters, either. Daniel lay still, determined to keep the contents of his stomach in their rightful place.

Nefer-Tina opened her eyes after a while, and looked up at him with a dreamy smile.

"Good morning. How’s your head?" she asked, stroking his face gently. It would have been a nice sensation if her hands hadn’t been stone cold.

"Gee… thanks." Daniel squeaked. "Uh… last night - did we do what I think we did…?"

"We sure did," Nefer-Tina replied, looking at him wickedly. "Several times! Are you energetic or what!?"

OK, that was a lie. It had been once and it had been lovely… but there were times when certain people needed a bit of winding up – particularly when they deserved it so much.

That makes me feel even worse, Daniel thought.

"OK. So maybe that was a little out of turn, but you were very good." She smiled at him sweetly and Daniel felt his heart do back flips.

Damn, he thought, she’s not even alive – I shouldn’t be thinking about her this way but… maybe she’s been at Hathor’s purple dust or something?!

Nefer-Tina kissed him lightly on the cheek, climbed out of bed, walked to the doorway, and then turned.

"Fancy some coffee?" she asked.

"That would be… great." Daniel said, feeling the effects of a very bad hangover assault his senses. When she opened the door, the light seemed to crack his skull into a million pieces. He winced and hid under the bedclothes, while Nefer-Tina watched on with amusement.

"Maybe I was too much for him after all…" she mused to herself wickedly.

---

"You’re looking happy with yourself this morning." Ja-kal said, his voice belaying a certain tension. Nefer-Tina knew damn well what it was. Ja-Kal had the hots for her in an unspoken way and was fed up because someone had made the moves on her before him. In that respect, it was great to see him suffer. And anyway, it served him right for spending all his time playing the hero and the great leader 24/7, and not acting on his instincts. While the mummies were entrusted with keeping their young prince safe, it did not mean they had no time to experience life in general.

"I got some action last night and it was great!" she said, breezing past the fuming mummy. "Now if you don’t mind I’m off to make some coffee, then see whether I can undo the damage Rath inflicted on the Hot-Ra last night."

"Damage?! Inflicted?!" the scribe was bought out of his studies of spells and such and cast Nefer-Tina an indignant look. She just grinned at him and continued on her merry way.

"Hi guys… Do you have any painkillers? I have a headache the size of Khufu’s pyramid…"

Ja-Kal turned around. It was that damn archaeologist.

"Do we look like we have any?" Rath snapped, turning his attention sharply to his spells.

"I’ll take that as a no, then." Daniel said, shuffling off into the bedroom.

Ja-Kal turned to watch him go and "accidentally" knocked a large brass plate off its stand sending it crashing to the ground.

"Whoops." Ja-Kal knew it was childish but couldn’t stop grinning inwardly, particularly when he heard an agonized moan coming from the bedroom. Revenge could be so sweet.

---

Later on, Daniel finally recovered from the worst of his hang over, aided by the consumption of several pints of water and some headache tablets Presley had provided him with. Presley was a good kid, and apparently the host to the spirit of Prince Rapses, the only son of pharaoh Amenhotep. Despite those almost Goa’uld spiritly connections, he was a good kid. Nefer-Tina had offered Daniel a lift back to the base, which was handy as Daniel’s own car was in for repairs and while they were not that far from Daniel’s apartment, Daniel did not think he was sober enough to drive. What he needed was coffee from the base That stuff could be used to cover roads, it could be so strong. But for the time being, he had been summoned to the garage, with Presely leading the way. They reached the garage, and Daniel had the shock of his life.

Daniel looked the dragster style car up and down.

"That is the most ridiculous, stupid, outrageous piece of junk I have ever seen in my life!" he gasped.

"Hey! I happen to think the Hot-Ra is cool!" Presley retorted.

Daniel winced at the name "Ra". Given the past history in that respect, it was hard for him not to.

"You jerk!!" Nefer-Tina said from behind him. She belted him one around the cheek as she walked past to jump in the river’s seat. "Now get the hell in and I’ll drive you back to you base."

"I am NOT getting into that thing!"

"And what is so wrong with it?" a male voice said from behind him.

Daniel turned to face Ja-Kal, who for some reason was in full armour, wings and all. Maybe he knew it was the perfect way to freak Daniel enough to get in the car, or maybe he had just been out for a spot of gliding that day – whichever it was, it worked, and within seconds the errant Egyptologist was safely ensconced in the passenger seat. Nefer-Tina told him to buckle up and glared at him with an evil look. Daniel saw his life flash before his eyes and remembered where he had put his first edition copy of "All Pyramids Great and Small" when Nefer-Tina revved the engine and hit the road at the kind of speed that made Daniel realise why Armon had handed him several plastic bags before he had headed out. Daniel now knew they weren’t for going shopping, and also that he would need them very soon. Nefer-Tina took a corner way too fast. Daniel felt his stomach lurch. She poured on the speed down a quiet straight piece of road in the kind of style that made Daniel think of a trip through the Stargate – only on wheels driven by a raving mad mummy.

"Nefer-Tina – please slow down!"

"Take it back!"

"Please! I need a new pair of pants!!" Daniel pleaded.

"Take it back!"

Nefer-Tina turned onto a freeway while Daniel’s stomach simply turned over. She narrowly avoided a large truck, several vans and an expensive looking sports car. To Daniel’s horror, the guy in the sports car wanted to race the Nefer-Tina. She gave him the thumbs up and Daniel prayed that he would make it to the base alive.

He didn’t know it was possible, but Nefer-Tina managed to pull some more speed from somewhere under the hood and was racing along at a pace that made Daniel fear for his life. Nefer-Tina wasn’t a bad driver, which was a relief, but it was certain that she was one hell of a speed demon. The guy in the sports car was doing his best to keep up, but was no match for the brightly coloured dragster style car. Nefer-Tina was singing to herself as she drove along, as though this was some Sunday drive, while Daniel was quaking in fear, clutching a plastic bag and knowing that it would not be too long before he needed to use it. As she cruised along at an unfeasible speed, Daniel was ready and willing to apologise to her – however, it was getting his mouth to function that was the hard part. Fear had somehow paralysed his jaw muscles, made his throat go dry and had prevented him from moving a muscle in the last few minutes, even if it had been for the purpose of screaming his head off as Nefer-Tina took corners like a lunatic, or slammed to a dead stop for the (thankfully) few traffic lights they encountered.

Finally, they arrived at the Cheyenne mountain base. Nefer-Tina stopped the vehicle just before they reached the base to allow Daniel to regain his composure. Daniel found that a little hard. His trousers and underwear were not worth even thinking about, he could not stop shaking and as soon as he got out of the car, his legs gave way, resulting in him landing flat on his face on the ground. It was just his luck it had been raining. A muddy puddle broke his fall, and soaked him to the skin. Nefer-Tina looked on, trying not to laugh.

At that moment, Daniel could hear another car pull up. He winced as he heard the driver get out, heard a familiar phrase and did not even bother moving when he sensed the driver standing over him and looking at him in sheer disbelief.

"Hello Daniel. What’cha doing on the floor?"

"Uh… recovering."

"Whose your friend?"

"Her name’s Nefer-Tina and she’s – ah - she’s a… mummy."

"Oh, really? How many kids do you have?" O’Neill asked, making polite conversation.

Nefer-Tina shot him a dazzling smile.

Jack noticed how pale she was and thought she could use catching a few rays at the beach or a visit to Dr Frasier’s infirmary – anything to give her a bit of colour in he cheeks.

"No, Jack – she’s a mummy – you know, as in ancient Egypt, embalmed corpses."

"But she’s alive…" O’Neill looked down at Daniel very strangely.

Daniel groaned and said nothing as he accepted Jack’s help in getting off the ground. He looked down and noted that the one place the puddle hadn’t soaked was his trousers – making it painfully obvious as to how scared he had been in the recent past.

"Nice… uh… car…" O’Neill said uncertainly, looking the dragster like vehicle up and down, noting its nods towards ancient Egyptian colours and artwork.

"Yes, this is known as the Hot-Ra –" Nefer-Tina smiled innocently.

"The Hot – WHAT?!" O’Neill did a double take and winced. Inwardly, he was thinking about how glad he had been to see the back of that false god, responsible for the abduction enslavement of members of the human race way back in the mists of time. O’Neill looked at Nefer-Tina, wondering how to take what Daniel had just told him. He narrowed his eyes, peering at her. She simply smiled back, as though she was used to getting looks like that all the time. She seemed to be covered in bandages…

"Did you have a serious accident or what?"

"Jack, I told you – she’s a mummy."

"But she’s alive."

"Jack… we’ve been over this. She is a mummy. She is alive and standing there and talking to you – what part of this are you not getting?"

"Do you sleep in one of those sarcophagus thingies?" O’Neill asked.

Nefer-Tina nodded.

O’Neill looked worried.

"How could you miss the fact that she’s obviously a Goa’uld?!" O’Neill hissed to his errant archaeologist.

"How can she be a Goa’uld? How many Goa’uld have you seen decked out in bandages and burning up the freeways in something that looks like that with skin as cold as ice?!"

"It’s not unthinkable!"

"Trust me – I know what she is!!" Daniel protested.

"And just how do you know?"

"Personal experience… I ended up at her house…"

"Personal? How personal? And… how come you know so much about her body temperature…" O’Neill looked down, puzzled. "What happened to your trousers?"

Daniel blushed a million shades of red at once.

It was just Daniel’s luck that O’Neill had arranged to go on an outing with the rest of SG1 – the only delay had been trying to track down Daniel. It should have been no surprise that Teal’c and Sam pulled up in a jeep, jumped out and observed the strange sight in front of them.

"Hello." O’Neill said, smiling.

"Daniel, what the hell happened to your face – your trousers – your… your… you look like you’ve been to hell and back!"

"I’m OK. I think I might just grab a shower."

"We were all going to go for a picnic. Do you want to join us?"

"Wouldn’t say no." Daniel shrugged.

"May I enquire as to who your companion is?"

"Sam, Teal’c, I’d like you to meet… Nefer-Tina. Nefer-Tina, this is Sam and this is Teal’c."

"Hello, pleased to meet you." Nefer-Tina smiled.

"May I ask what has happened to you for you to need so many dressings?" Teal’c asked.

"She’s a mummy." O’Neill said in a bored tone of voice.

"A mummy? So, how many kids do you have?" Sam asked.

Nefer-Tina tried to suppress a giggle, failed, and then just laughed, shaking her head with its mane of brilliant white hair.

"No – as in shrink wrapped Egyptian." O’Neill said.

Nefer-Tina responded with a rude hand signal.

Jack stared at her in shock.

Nefer-Tina simply laughed at him.

"She appears to be alive." Teal’c stated.

"Ya think?"

"I think!" Nefer-Tina said. "Well, it was a pleasure meeting you guys but I have to get going. I’ll see you around."

"Wait… will I see you again?" Daniel ventured, much to the intrigue of his fellow team members.

"You betcha!" Nefer-Tina winked and jumped into the Hot-Ra, revved the engine and sped off down the road. She was sure this archaeologist would not be hard to find and had to admit that he was undeniably cute, in all the ways that made Ja-Kal totally jealous.

"You’ve got ten minutes, Daniel. Shower, grab some new clothes and get back here." O’Neill said. "Here are the keys to the jeep. Now get going!"

Daniel watched Nefer-Tina speed off down the road, then did as Jack told him. He got in the jeep, thanked his lucky stars he was not in the Hot-Ra and drove the short distance down the road to the Cheyenne Mountain base, eagerly awaiting the chance to freshen himself up. The rest of SG1, knowing full well he would take longer than 10 minutes, grabbed the opportunity for a gossip.

"Do you think she was a real mummy?"

"She was a dreadful colour." Sam said. "And those dressings…"

"Do you think Daniel would cheat on Janet?" Jack asked.

"Get real, Jack – do you think Daniel would DARE cheat on Janet, considering how much time we spend in the infirmary – him in particular?"

"It would be unwise." Teal’c stated.

"You got that right." Sam grinned.

Twenty minutes later, and Daniel had joined the merry group, which meant they could hit the road and go for their picnic. It was a great day and the park they were headed to was not too crowded. They picked a spot, sat down and laid out the food.

"Is this a traditional Tau’ri ritual?" Teal’c asked.

"You could say that." Jack O’Neill replied.

"It is most pleasant." Teal’c said.

"Glad you like it." Daniel replied.

The four of them relaxed, ate, then lay out in the sun, catching some rays – all except Teal’c, who indulged in a spot of meditation there and then. They were all going to head back to the base, but Daniel figured that it was such a nice day, he would take a walk… among other things. There was something he was hoping he would be able to do that day.

---

"Nef!" Daniel called.

Nefer-Tina turned and smiled when she saw Daniel. He was looking well, if a little worn around the edges, but from what he said he didn’t get out much as he worked indoors a lot of the time. Nefer-Tina was with her three embalmed friends and Presley, the personification of Prince Rhapses.

"Hey, Daniel. How ya doing?"

"I’m OK. Sorry about my friend – the other day…"

"Don’t worry. It was fun seeing his reaction to my – er – response. So, what brings you here?"

"I was just in the area and I thought I’d see whether I could track you down – figured that maybe we could do something?"

"Tag along if you like. We’re off to the nearest theme park. We’re going to make Rath go on the fastest, scariest roller coasters. Of course, being undead, he won’t have to worry about turning green!"

Rath sniffed huffily and looked offended.

"And then we’re going to make Ja-Kal sample the Waltzers!!" Nefer-Tina giggled.

"What are these… Waltzers?"

"They’re the things that I couldn’t get enough of last time!"

"You mean… the strange device that turns in circles…" Ja-Kal said. It was hard for an ancient Egyptian to find the words to describe such a thing but he was giving it his best shot.

"That’s it!"

"I do not think that would be wise."

"You should get together with Teal’c!!" Daniel grinned.

"Who is this… Teal’c?" Ja-Kal asked.

"Oh… he’s – er- a friend of mine." Daniel shrugged.

The group were doing just fine and went on one of the gentler rides, but even that was trouble.

"I sense danger!!" Ja-Kal said, looking around.

"Damn right – and it’s coming straight at us!!" Armon shouted.

"By the strength of Ra!" Nefertina shouted, transforming into armour that made Daniel think of Bastet, the cat goddess.

"Ra?! How can you say that?!" he gasped, shocked. "If only you knew…"

"By the strength of Ra!" Armon yelled, transforming into ram armour.

"Please…"

"By the Strength of Ra!" Ja-Kal yelled, transforming and acquiring those dreadful wings that gave Daniel the creeps so much. He looked away and felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Do you guys really have to say that?"

Damn. Ja-Kal was flying again. Armon was launching himself into battle, although thankfully he was on the ground.

"By the strength of Ra!" Rath yelled.

What an idiot. Thought Daniel, as he observed the mummy transforming into cobra style armour. Not only does he remind me of Apophis in that stuff, but he still needs a personality transplant.

The mummies closed in to attack the advancing figure as Daniel and Presley looked on, horrified.

"For crying out loud, guys!!! We’re on a ghost train! This stuff is meant to fly out of nowhere and be scary… but I don’t think that figure of Dracula will be scaring anyone for a good long while…" Daniel groaned as Nefer-Tina, Ja-Kal, Rath and Armon looked up from their defeated foe. It was indeed a dummy made up as Dracula and was originally on strings so that it would jump out at unsuspecting ride passengers.

Presley and Daniel looked at each other, then dissolved into heaps of laughter. This was not the kind of entertainment they had hoped they would see but it was a definite bonus. And they still had the fun of seeing Nefer-Tina drag Rath on the Annihilator, the fastest, highest and longest roller coaster in the area. Nefer-Tina did not do things by halves in terms of speed. She dragged the protesting scribe onto the ride, strapped him in and prepared herself for a great experience. Rath would not stop complaining.

"I really think this is most unwise!!" he yelled.

Daniel giggled. Even though he was watching from behind a barrier he could hear the scribe as the ride moved off.

"I would concur." A familiar voice said.

Daniel turned and found himself looking at Teal’c.

"Teal’c – what are you doing here?"

"Colonel O’Neill was informing me of what it is that the Tau’ri do in the way of amusements."

"Speaking of O’Neill, where is he?"

"He is attempting to win a teddy bear by capturing floating plastic ducks."

Teal’c had a way with words – he could make the most frivolous of pursuits sound positively life or death.

"Sounds like fun…"

"How is it that you are here, Daniel Jackson?"

"I’m… uh… with some friends." Daniel was glad Armon had dragged Presley and Ja-Kal off to get some burgers. Lots of burgers by the sound of it. Daniel waited to see the end result that was Rath recovering from a fairground ride, hoping he would not be disappointed. He somehow doubted it. He could see Nefer-Tina was having a great time while Rath looked even greyer than normal – or was that possible?

By the end of the ride, Nefer-Tina had realised that, despite Rath’s condition, fast rides at high velocities made him throw up. Trying not to laugh, Nefer-Tina made her way over to where Daniel stood, and kissed him full on the lips. Lkosty im the moment, Daniel kissed her back… then realised that he had eyes watching him.

The rest of SG1.

Ooops.

A glance over his shoulder confirmed his worst suspicions. Sam, who was standing next to Jack – who had won a teddy bear, a goldfish and was now going for a remote controlled jeep, had seen the little liaison. She was mouthing something along the lines of "you bastard, Daniel" and made the young archaeologist realise that when he got back to the base he would be a dead man.

---

And sure enough…

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?!" Janet Frasier snapped later on. She was accompanied by Sam Carter, who looked just as pissed off. Daniel should have known that gossip spread like wildfire around the SGC. He wasn’t sure how true it was, but he had heard of a mystery videotape floating around of four mummies and an Egyptologist shot by camcorder by someone who happened to be in the right place at the right time.

"I heard about your being abducted by… mummies… If you had to lie to me about why you couldn’t see me last week, then why not come up with something a little more plausable?"

So, if there was a videotape then it was a safe bet that Janet Frasier had not seen it. If it even existed.

"It was horrible!" Daniel gasped, searching for words. "There were these mummies – and one drove me back here in this Hot-Ra thingy… and she nearly got us both killed… and then there was this scribe who wouldn’t shut up and a mummy with wings… large wings and he could fly… and they made me stay for dinner… and I had all this wine and in the end I woke up in bed with one of them, that little female, Nefer-Tina, and she was really good at it –" Daniel was cut off when Sam Carter slapped him across the cheek to shut him up for a moment, if only to give him a chance to draw breath.

"Daniel, I never thought I would hear myself say this, but – YOU BASTARD!" Sam Carter gasped, now all too aware of how much Daniel and Nefer-Tina had been getting along.. "You went to bed with another – a… wait a minute." Sam paused and looked at Daniel, who was pale, shaking and leaning against the corridor wall. "What did you say again? Mummies?"

"Yes! They were alive!"

"Reminds me of a cartoon show… but… nah…" Sam dismissed whatever thought had entered her mind.

Janet Frasier did not care at that point in time. She grabbed Daniel by the collar and then slapped him hard around the face. "How I’d like to kick your ass through that Stargate – using the wrong side of the event horizon!"

"And I’d gladly dial in the address!" Sam added.

The pair of them left, leaving Daniel in no doubt as to what they thought of him. Daniel made a resolution to keep a low profile over the next few days.

Eventually it got to the point where Daniel simply could not stand the way Janet looked daggers at him every time their paths crossed – and as they worked in the same facility – it was hard to avoid each other. Eventually, they had agreed to a meeting in order to discuss a truce. They would meet at a nearby shopping mall for the main reason that it was convenient to get to and that should the meeting go badly, there were plenty of places serving alcohol, chocolate an a million other types of comfort food. They had both decided that whatever the outcome, it was possible they would need it.

The reconciliation started off with an awkward silence.

Janet and Daniel stood at opposite sides of the small food court table.

After a few moments, they both sat down.

"I ordered you a coffee. Chocolate topping, just a little sugar… just the way you like it." Daniel said, trying to maintain his innocence.

"Maybe that gives me a reason not to smash you over the head with this table." Janet said. "I mean… Daniel… how could you?! Do you know how much you hurt me?"

"I’m sorry… really I am… it was a crazy evening… and my – uh – hosts kept pouring wine down my throat…"

"You could have refused and asked for water!" Janet said.

"I know… but… it seemed rude and… it’s not like they were normal or anything. I mean… I didn’t mean to hurt you…"

"But you still slept with a 3500 year old animated corpse!! I mean – Daniel, how could you?! It’s not like she was even alive!!" Janet gasped.

It was at that point the waiter turned up, within earshot and had an ashen expression on his face as he put their drinks on the table. As he walked away, Daniel could hear him muttering expressions such as "what a pervert," and "sicko." Daniel wanted the ground to spring forth an even horizon all of its own so he could disappear from Earth there and then. Anthing – just as long as it spared his dignity.

In the way Janet was obviously not going to.

"She… she’s not bad looking for her… age… and you’d hardly notice she’s a mummy but for her… bandages and… grey skin…" Daniel’s voice trailed off. His defence really was not very good. "I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Die!" Janet said and sipped her coffee.

Daniel sighed heavily. There was no getting out of this one.

The pair of them sat in silence until a surprise visitor interrupted them.

"Hi guys, how’s it going?" Nefer-Tina asked brightly.

Daniel looked up, as did Janet Frasier. It didn’t take her two seconds to work out who this was. Daniel braced himself for impact and waited for the fireworks.

"Is this the one?" Janet demanded, glaring at Daniel.

Nefer-Tina stared at Janet in intrigue.

"The one what?"

"Nefer-Tina, the one you’ve been screwing behind my back while we’re meant to be seeing one another!"

"Daniel, you bastard!!" Nefer-Tina gasped, shocked and hurt. "You never even mentioned –"

"I’ve heard that line before!" Janet shot back, too angry to think straight.

"Well, maybe Daniel didn’t think you worthy of a mention!!" Nefer-Tina was determined to give as good as she got.

"At least I have a pulse!!" Janet shot back.

"At least my hair colour is convincing!" Nefer-Tina snapped, taking in Janet’s tinges of hair dye. If the truth was to be told, it really did not look that bad at all – but this was a slanging match and any insult was better than none.

It was at that point that battle lines were crossed and Nefer-Tina and Janet Frasier launched into hand to hand combat. Hair was pulled, clothes torn and a hell of a mess was made at the same time. Nefer-Tina wriggled out of Frasier’s grip, rolled out of the way of a flying tray of glasses and stood.

"By the Strength of Ra!" she yelled.

"I do wish you guys wouldn’t say that." Daniel groaned.

Moments later, Nefer-Tina was cracking her whip, clad in golden armour. The whole look did not wash with Janet Frasier, who went to cook up a suitable method of revenge. At that moment, Nefer-Tina’s attention was distracted by a pervert asking what she could do with her whip, to which she landed him a swift kick to the Place Where It Hurts the Most. She turned in time to see a coffee table come flying her way and was too late to stop it knocking her straight over the barrier of the fountain and into its watery depths. She deactivated her armour, swam the short way to the surface and peered over the top.

"Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough!!" Nefer-Tina said.

"OK, I will!" Janet Frasier said, jumped into the fountain.

Daniel watched, dumbstruck, as did half the shopping mall as Nefer-Tina and Janet duked it out in the fountain.

"Wait a minute." Janet said, after ducking Nefer-Tina under the water for the fifth time. Nefer-Tina wasn’t too bothered, considering her state of being. It wasn’t like she needed to breathe, anyway – but being underwater was an inconvenience. She humoured the doctor, mainly as the water was very cool and refreshing, and as she was being held down, she had managed to find enough in the way of coins to get a decent coffee from the nearby café. Janet soon released her, then stepped back as the mummy stood up straight in the water.

"My hair is going to take ages to dry now!!" Nefer-Tina snapped.

"I’m sorry…" Janet said, a thoughtful look on her face.

Nefer-Tina looked at her in surprise. She was apologising?!

"We shouldn’t be doing this. We should join forces. Daniel’s at the bottom of the whole thing, the two timing –"

"Dung beetle?"

"Dung beetle."

Frasier and Nefer-Tina looked over to Daniel with dangerous eyes.

Daniel stared at them, more afraid of the consequences of these two getting hold of him than any simple Goa’uld invasion. An invasion would be a walk in the park compared to the wrath of Janet Frasier. As for Janet Frasier and a powerful ally with several other powerful allies… Daniel found himself wishing to gate to a planet, destroy or bury the Stargate situated there and make sure to do it fast.

Dripping wet, the pair of them emerged from the fountain and advanced upon Daniel, who was desperately looking for an exit. Before he could move, Janet had him by one arm, and Nefer-Tina the other. They marched him to the fountain and gave a shove…

Moments later, Daniel was swimming in the fountain.

Frasier had another wicked thought.

"Hey, Daniel!" she called.

Daniel looked up at her, coughing and attempting to climb out of the fountain.

"It’s a shame you left your wallet on the table… and that I drove you here!"

"You wouldn’t!!"

"Revenge can be so sweet!" Janet grinned. "Come on, Nef, let’s hit the shops!"

Nefer-Tina rubbed her hands in glee. "Let’s hope they have some decent, expensive clothes for us to splurge on!" she said in a voice loud enough for Daniel to hear.

Daniel groaned.

"The female of the species sure is more deadly than the male." He sighed, wishing he had not withdrawn a whole lot of cash that morning. It was highly unlikely her would get any back.

"Hello, Jack." Janet said, as she sipped a cocktail.

"Hello again!" Nefer-Tina smiled. At least, Jack thought that was Nefer-Tina. Only, her hair was dyed blonde… and she had some colour in her face and… was wearing clothes that covered her bandages… in fact, she could pass for normal.

The pair of them had a stack of shopping bags at their table, were both dressed up to the nines and looked totally relaxed and at ease with the world.

"Weren’t you here to patch it up with Daniel?"

"Oh… I’ve kind of forgiven him now." Janet smiled.

Jack was curious. There was more to this than met the eye.

"We.,.. decided we couldn’t let him get away with it." Nefer-Tina shrugged.

"Nefer-Tina, there you are!"

Nefer-Tina turned to see Ja-Kal, Rath and Armon heading towards her.

"You look real pretty, Nef." Armon said.

"Thanks!"

The three male mummies looked at the stunned, grey haired man who was staring at them. He was frozen to the spot, a common reaction from anyone who saw the mummies and simply weren’t prepared for them. Still, at least this one did not scream like Daniel Jackson had.

And speaking of Daniel Jackson…

"Hey! I thought you two had left already!"

The archaeologist looked a little drier at the very least.

"What are you still doing here?" Janet asked, surprise evident in her voice. She had expected him to have called one of his fellow SG1 members hours ago and to have gone home in a foul mood to change his clothes.

"The mall manager asked me to come up to his office and explain the reason why I was swimming in his… er… fountain." Daniel snapped in a sarcastic tone of voice. "I see you put my cash to good use!!"

So that’s why he’s still here. That answers the little mystery, Janet thought, an amused smile tugging at her lips.

"Whose in a foul mood then?" Nefer-Tina giggled.

That did it. Janet started laughing. It was hard not to as sitting there, the situation was too absurd not to be laughable.

"Uh… what’s up with Jack?" Daniel asked innocently.

Nefer-Tina said nothing and pointed at the three mummies, a large smile still on her face. This was just getting better and better! Daniel and the two women watched the fun unfold before them.

"Greetings, I am Ja-Kal… I believe you already know Nefer-Tina."

"Nice… bandages…" Jack said with a half hearted shrug, looking Ja-Kal up and down.. He was glad of all the missions he had been on and of the alien races he and his team had encountered. Had that not been the case, he guessed that he would have been really freaking out by now.

"I am Rath…" said the tall thin mummy standing next to Ja-Kal who curiously had a strip of bandage running across his nose. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"And I’m Armon. Are you Jack O’Neill? Daniel told me that you’re a great warrior."

Jack’s expression went from shock to pride in less than sixty nanoseconds. He glanced over the Daniel, who cocked his head and gave a gesture that said, "there you go."

"Yes… I’m Jack O’Neill and I’ve kicked more than my fair share of butt in my time…"

"And are you also familiar with the Gate?" Rath asked.

Daniel, who had been watching happily, suddenly felt his blood run cold. O’Neill turned to stare at him with a dangerous expression.

"Am I familiar with what Gate?" Jack said, icily.

"Why, the portal between worlds, of course!" Rath said haughtily.

Jack hadn’t known him thirty seconds and already he wanted to hit him. Then again, there was an element to this conversation that could be used to his full advantage.

"I don’t wish to stand in the middle of a shopping mall discussing gates, thank you. If you want a gate, there’s a garden store over there. Just watch that they don’t decide to use you as a source of fertilizer, given your deceased state and all."

"Well, I never!" Rath gasped.

"Gee, Rath – what is it with you lately? All you have to do is open your mouth and people insult you!"

O’Neill grinned at Armon’s comeback. At least it got him off the hook about the gate, and meant he could avoid answering any unwelcome questions about classified government projects involving travel to other worlds.

---

As much as Ja-Kal, Nefer-Tina, Rath and Armon were intrigued by the Cheyenne mountain facility, they could not help but wonder why they were there. After all, this was not the home of the Western Gate. They were miles away from the Western Gate. So what kind of gate could be down here? In their quest to find out they kept their mouths shut and said as little as they could.

"You will, of course, be familiar with the object in this room." The man who had introduced himself as General Hammond said. This General Hammond was a little irritated with the mummies as Armon had made a remark about how he must have a very large white stone sarcophagus at home and that he could teach Armon a few things about the finer points of food. Rath was limping because he had said that was impossible (in a very sarcastic voice) so Armon had kicked him in the shin – hard. Nefer-Tina had a fit of the giggles, while Ja-Kal was playing the solemn warrior type.

They reached the Gate control room and stood looking out of the window at the huge stone hoop.

"Nice circular obelisk." Nefer-Tina said.

"We’d like you to tell us what exactly it is you know about this device… and how you came about the knowledge."

"It’s round…" said Rath.

"It looks like a giant stone donut." Said Armon.

"Look at the horsepower on that thing!!" Nefer-Tina gasped, impressed.

Over in the corner they were aware of one of the officers, a neat looking guy with short, light coloured hair and glasses, staring at them in pure shock.

"I remember a legend of such a device… It bought much pain and suffering to the land of Egypt. Many families were lost, whole communities disappeared… then there was a great battle…" Ja-Kal said. "Such an object brings with it a curse."

From behind them, Daniel had just entered the room and reflected that it was equally a blessing and a curse.

"And who was it who enslaved the humans? Your buddy Ra by any chance?"

At this, Ja-Kal glared at him.

"OK." Daniel shrugged. "I’ll drop the subject here and now."

"We’ve gotta find ourselves a new patron deity!" Armon said. "I didn’t realise Ra was such a nasty piece of work."

"I hate to break it to you, but they are all a pretty bad bunch. Seth was trouble – and the same can be said for Sokar, Hathor. Anubis…"

"Are you trying to disillusion us in one easy lesson?!" Nefer-Tina demanded. "If you don’t cease and desist, I’ll let Rath go crazy reading your translations. He only had a quick peek at some of your hieroglyphics work and was shocked by the sheer amount of errors."

Rath grinned and looked very pleased with himself.

Daniel glared at him.

"Getting back to the gate…" General Hammond prompted.

"Oh… yes. The gate…" Ja-Kal said. "Indeed, it was seen as a way to cross to the afterlife in much the same way as the Western Gate, the portal we are most familiar with…"

General Hammond looked at Daniel.

Daniel looked at General Hammond.

"Whoops."

"I’d very much like a word with you. Later." Hammond said.

From the look on the General’s face, Daniel knew he was facing trouble.

---

"The Western Gate!!" Daniel squawked. "The WESTERN GATE… How could I get it so wrong?!"

He pounded his fists against the small area of his desk that was not covered in paper, junk food, text books and unidentifiable objects. Not to mention scrolls. Much to Daniel’s dismay, Rath had been taken on as a freelance advisor in all things Egyptological and involving translations. Daniel hardly saw Janet these days as she was often out painting the town red with Nefer-Tina… and Jack was often down the nearest bar with Sam and Armon, having a good old laugh. Ja-Kal did not often stray from his duties as protector of the young prince, thank goodness, but it was still hard to avoid him, ever since he had struck up a rapport with General Hammond…

Daniel drank some coffee and looked at his watch. He sighed when he saw the time.

Prompt as ever, Rath came walking in, promptly knocked his tall hat off on the top of the doorframe and cursed the architecture of the building. It was the only time when Daniel had a good laugh with the dry old scribe. For the next two hours, Rath would rub in the fact that his knowledge of hieroglyphics was far superior to Daniel’s. Daniel felt that was a little unfair. It was obvious Rath would know all about hieroglyphics given his background… and it wasn’t like he could speak any of the numerous languages Daniel was familiar with.

Rath picked his hat up, put a load of scrolls down on the table and sat on the chair opposite Daniel.

"Where shall we begin today?"

How about I tell you where to get off in Russian?! Thought Daniel but kept his mouth shut. It was more than likely this improver’s course in Ancient Egyptian would prove to be helpful in the future. He would have preferred it if it wasn’t so hard on the ego.

"Oh no," said Rath looking at Sam and grinning, "You’re just not my type."

"That’s a relief," Jack said.

"But you are."

Jack froze. Rath was looking right at him.

I knew he was too camp to be straight. Jack thought. But why do I have to be his idea of a good time?!

When Daniel got back to the base, he had Sam, Jack and Teal’c waiting for him in his office. Teal’c observed while Jack and Sam went nuts. Daniel tried to explain everything but it wasn’t doing him much good.

"Oh my god, Daniel, you didn’t!" Sam gasped, having just heard chapter line and verse from Daniel about his dalliances with Nefer-Tina.

"Well, she was so sweet… and had such nice hair and was from Egypt…" Daniel squeaked.

"Ancient Egypt! Daniel!!" Jack gasped.

"But I –"

"But nothing. I just can’t believe… I mean… how? How could you?!" Jack waved his hands around, paced up and down the room, then turned to his errant archaeologist. "I mean… you do, of course, know what mummies are?!"

"Yeah. Yes, I do. You know that – I’ve had to evaluate the findings on quite a few archaeological sites and –"

"And you still slept with one?!" Jack looked incredulous.

"You did what?" a new voice had cropped up in the conversation.

"Oops! Didn’t see you there, Dr Frasier." Jack said, turning away and mumbling the words quietly. Seconds later, Daniel had received a stinging slap around the face.

"I know you SG teams hang out with some strange things on the planets you visit but –"

Dr Frasier paused and looked at Daniel.

"Did I hear that right? You slept with a mummy?"

"It’s not what you think!!" Daniel protested, "I swear!!"

"You sick –"

"I’m telling you – it’s not how it sounds – she was –"

"What? Wrapped in bandages? Didn’t put up much of a fight? An easy target?!"

"Alive, dammit! She was alive!!!"

O’Neill sighed and leaned against the wall, his head in his hands. "This gets better and better," he groaned.

"You’d better watch yourself next time you venture into my infirmary." Frasier turned and marched out of the room.

"Oh, hell." Daniel said quietly.

The end

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