CULT TV 200O REVIEW

A Brief Introduction…

Cult TV was a weekend to remember for many reasons.
It was the weekend Torquay was visited by a gang of mad people wearing white t-shirts with little aliens on them, accompanied by black caps bearing the legend “League of the Non Aligned”.
We got the message that Cult TV wouldn’t be the same without us - one comment that was made went along the lines of “the League of the Non Aligned are here!
Cult TV can now officially begin!” It’s nice to be appreciated!

Cult TV started off in the pub for me this year.
I met up with several other League members and, to get over the problems with trains, we sat and had a drink, got ourselves in the spirit of things and then went to get the train that would enable us to meet up with everyone else.
We were glad we hadn’t travelled in the thick of the rush hour - the trains were horrible!
People were fighting to get on them, Stan tried to get us on a train, even though it was pretty full at the time - but some people just refuse to move down the carriages to let others on… we were glad of the sight of a relatively empty train later on.
I’m not sure how long we had to wait, but that’s irrelevant.
It was a welcome sight!

We got to Dave’s in the end, courtesy of one very flash hire car and the equally flash "Dave and Janine mobile" and gathered around for the premiere of “Stardoor SD1” which was well received.
Even though we had to get up early, we still went to bed late.

When we got up in the morning, we were greeted by a theme tune that seems to have became our wake up call - the opening music to Stargate SG1!
It’s amazing how it jerks a person back into the land of the living.
Or was that just the coffee?
I’m not sure…

We set off later that day and the route there was pretty smooth.
We stopped off for breakfast in McDonald’s, which included an impromptu photo shoot (and we looked great in our League t-shirts and caps!!)

Then we headed off again to Torquay.
When we got close we ended up feeling a little confused as to how to get to Barton Hall exactly.
We ended up on a road called Decoy road - and all I can say to that is “no kidding!”
However, we were not too far off course.
We headed off having verified our location and where we were supposed to be going, and headed off again.
Once we got there, we had the mundane task of registering ahead of us.
Well, it’s usually mundane, but this year, Janine had ensured there was a bit of a twist to the whole process. It was livened up by the fact that something was odd about our name badges. The guests took an interest - like the fact that Corinne was called “Chef !” according to her name badge!
Other gems included Turbo Warrior, Foxy Smoulder, Little One, Captain Janineway and Deep Voice among others.

We were party animals. I really do mean it - we were literally party animals.
We did the funky gibbon, we couldn’t stop doing the monkey, and the animal antics didn’t stop there.
We ended up jumping around like kangaroos for that all time classic “Tie me Kangaroo Down, Sport” is not something I’ll forget in a hurry.
Even now I have flashbacks of bouncing around the dance floor like a kangaroo…

There was a new twist for Star Trekkin’ - usually the action accompanying the line “it’s worse than that he’s dead Jim” involves several people throwing themselves on the floor and acting dead. However, a guy dressed as a very convincing vampire only needed to make his way into the centre of the ring and cross his arms over his chest to get the effect…

Then there was the Conga.
The song says something about forming a train… well, I think our train was more of a non-stop express train than anything else - so much for rail track speed restrictions!
Another high point of the discos was the inevitable Angel and Wesley dance.
In the premiere of an episode of Angel (that put paid to any ideas of early nights!) we found out that Angel can’t sing to save his life.
Many episodes back - we found out why he doesn’t dance.
That’s a shame as the end result can be so entertaining - for any spectators!

I took a couple of trips to the dealer’s room, and one of them turned into an audition as I became a member of “the Escape Committee” and found myself busy that evening - helping out with their entry for Famous for Three Minutes.
We didn’t win… but it was fun taking part!

Later on that evening, I ended up taking part in something once again - there was a comedy evening, and it included a “Win some Beer” spoof game show.
Me and three other mad people made a mad dash up to the stage, beating everyone else.
Strangely, we were all League of the Non Aligned members!
We were also definitely not normal.
I was dressed as a Jedi knight, Nathan was dressed as a Borg… and we had two humans with us - one of whom had a higher voice than was expected…!

The games that ensued were quite crazy - we had to pull the names of shows that were not likely to be renewed from a cow’s bum (it was a cardboard cow - thankfully!) then answer “Right or Shite” in a quiz about Eurovision song contest titles… and finally, we had to draw… we had to draw pictures of each other in 30 seconds!
All in all, it was a good laugh.

The comedy acts weren’t bad… but one made me raise my eyebrows when he took a liking to one of the cardboard kangaroos that was standing innocently on the stage.

Later, as Tony, Corinne and me made our way to the disco, one of the other attendees was curious about us three Jedi knights. They wanted to know that if one of us was meant to be Qui Gon, and the other one was meant to be Obi Wan, what did that make me?
Corinne replied “Anakin!”
I think I’ll go as a Tok’ra next year!

As usual, the League were more than enthusiastic at the awards ceremony and were clearly audible, even though we sat at the back.

The whole point of events like Cult TV is that you’re there to have fun - and have fun we definitely did!
I think the sheer amount of our enthusiasm was helped by the amounts of green and blue strong alcoholic liquid we were drinking… some of us don’t drink, but they didn’t have a problem blending in with the chemically challenged of our number…

Last year, , Will turned a strange shade of green after drinking Bij - the infamous blue drink of the League.

This time, It was Jon - AKA Spike’s - turn to change colour.
We all knew that vampires were meant to be pale - but even they have more colour in their faces than poor Jon did!

This little episode has its own hallmark of uniqueness - we were dressed like Men in Black!
We went to the disco as Men in Black, too.
It proved to be a useful costume for the long run from chalet to disco hall/main hall - the weather was foul!

The weather is usually a boring subject, but that weekend, it allowed us to take part in our very own disaster movie as we caught the tail end of a tornado.
Then the hotel’s roof was damaged and several people had to be moved from where they were staying.
Bets also took place about whether the (empty) outdoor swimming pool at the resort would be full by the time we had to leave!

The catering facilities were a bit of an ordeal.
One morning I wasn’t able to get any coffee - and I need coffee to have a good start in the morning!!
The next morning, I didn’t bother about breakfast and had coffee in my room. I wasn’t taking any chances!
Coffee is very important!

Dinner was a bit of a pain, as the food seemed to take ages to be served, but there was a way around it - the self service salad bar.
It got more and more popular as the weekend went on.
By Sunday night, the queue for said salad bar went right out of the door and down the corridor!!
We’re assured that service will be better next year.
I sincerely hope so - me and Corinne got close to jumping out of our seats and showing everyone how food service SHOULD be done!!

There was also an auction which included some weird and wonderful things including a Viagra pen knife and pen, which went for a pretty good price.
There were also assorted videos, rare items of an autographed nature and a James Bond tie signed by Roger Moore.
There was also a silver framed picture up for grabs, with an important television related history behind it… which is probably why it was sold for Ł700.
And how I wish I could afford to bid that high!

I think it’s safe to say we had a mad weekend. Not just mad - positively insane!Did Barton Hall know what had hit them when the League of the Non Aligned turned up? I think not! There were laughs, drama (weather wise!), autographs to be had - and plenty of fun at the discos too. All things considered,I’m looking forward to next year!